My Story

There have been many obstacles along the way but I knocked this Cerebral Palsy thing on the head and carved out a very successful life for myself.  I started my own IT company, I built an amazing house on a golf estate and I even married my soul mate.  I was truly living the life – or so I thought.

It was about seven years ago, after taking on a massive building project, that everything changed.  Everything started off great, as all new projects do, but soon into the project I realised that I had bitten off more than I could chew.  Everything went very south after that and I ended up having a full-on nervous breakdown. 

As I lay in bed one day, recovering from my breakdown, my best friend Nicolas popped in for a visit.  I remember looking at him and thinking: “How is it that he is always so happy? – he never judges anyone, he loves everyone around him unconditionally, and he’s always so content wherever he is”.  My mind started spiralling and I started wishing that I could be more like him.  I eventually snapped out of it and reminded myself that we all set unrealistic standards of perfection for ourselves, and then we judge ourselves when we don’t live up to them.   The funny thing is, all this comes so naturally to Nicolas – I think it may have something to do with the fact that he’s a DOG.

During the many months of recovery, I spent hours trying to figure out how I was going to get over all this and start living a normal life again.   The physical effects were really difficult but worse, was the fear and loneliness that came with it – I started realising that I simply didn’t have the right tools to cope.

So I began searching for help and which led me to a Life Transformation Academy where I signed up for my first Mindfulness Meditation Course.  Now I must be honest, I had absolutely no idea what I was getting myself into but I’d done my homework and understood that mindfulness had something to do with consciously paying attention to the present moment, non-judgmentally.

On the first day, all I was told to do was to feel the breath going in and out of my nose and I remember thinking: “How hard can this be?”.  So I began.  One breath in, one breath out;  second breath in, and second breath out.  But then my mind wandered off so I brought it back.  One breath, two breaths, my mind wandered again, and no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn’t stay present. 

Most of us tend to be completely out of touch with the present moment.  In fact, research shows that we spend about 50 percent of the day either stuck in the past or worried about the future.  We have become somewhat addicted to thinking and we often tend to miss out on what is happening right in front of us.  Instead, we live in the virtual reality of our thoughts and this absence leaves us feeling disconnected and less happy.  We put countless energy into things that we believe will make us happier, healthier, and live longer but this is where Mindfulness comes in as a way to regain control and take charge of our minds.

So, back at the Academy, I was trying really hard to just do this, to just be present.  But no matter how hard I tried, my mind kept wandering off and at this point, I really started judging myself.   I kept thinking: “What is wrong with you?  You really suck at this.  Why are you even here, you’ll never get this right”.  And then, not only was I judging myself, I started judging everyone else, even the sweet little school teacher sitting next to me.  “Shouldn’t she be doing something else, instead of just sitting here?” 

During the tea break, I managed to corner one of the instructors and as I started sharing my struggles, he looked at me and said three words that I have never forgotten: “Practice Makes Perfect”.

We’ve all heard the saying: “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks” but whether that’s true or not, the good news is, we are not dogs, we’re human beings.  We all have the capacity to change, learn and grow, no matter what our circumstances.   I’ve really come a long way since that first day at the Academy.  I have since become a certified Life Transformation Coach, Negative Emotional Therapy Practitioner, Neuro-Linguistic Programming Practitioner, Inspirational Speaker and an internationally accredited Mindfulness Life Coach. 

So what have I learnt? 

We don’t experience reality as it really is, we perceive it through a filter that allows us to see only what we’ve been conditioned to see.  Just like every tree has a unique set of branches, every brain has a unique pattern of neurons and connections that are both genetic and learned over time.  Each and every one of us is wired differently, and it’s the neuroarchitecture of our brains that tells us who we are and how to act and react to everything in the world around us.

But our brains are plastic, and what we’ve learnt can be unlearned.  Becoming mindful means untraining our brains, emptying them of preconceived patterns and changing mindless behaviour into mindful behaviour.  In fact, scientists have recently proven that, through neuroplasticity, we can actually rewire the synaptic connections in our brains, through repeated practice causing us to act in a wiser, more compassionate way, towards ourselves and others. 

So what exactly is Mindfulness?  One way to define it is: “Paying attention to present moment experiences, in a non-judgemental manner”.   If you want to summarise it, mindfulness allows you to be authentically present, without the interference of preoccupations with the past or the future. 

It’s been a privilege sharing my story with you but before I go, I’d just like to leave you with this last thought.  I may not have been able to breathe for a while when I was born, but I’m certainly making up for it now – learning to breathe mindfully, has totally changed my life and it really can change yours too.